Balancing two lives

This year I am finally coming to the acceptance that my life is not in America anymore. It is a hard realization, but after one full year of living abroad and transitioning into my second year I am slowing coming to the point where I am acknowledging that my life is officially in China, at least for the time being. What becomes difficult is trying to figure out how much of my life in America do I hold onto? It is hard having relationships back home that I want to keep going, and so the effort is worth it, but it is difficult not being able to be a part of things. I am blessed to have the internet and phone to keep in touch with people, but I am now coming to grips with the fact that I just cannot be home for every event, as much as I want to. At times I wish people back home could see my life here, which is why I have my blog, so people can stay connected to what I am doing and what I am experiencing, but I admit it is hard at times to be so far away.

Last year I didn't feel the pull because I was only going to be gone for one year, so it was a long trip, an adventure, but now I am heading into two years. This year it also seems as more events are happening back home, mainly weddings and babies, which are big events and I want to be a part of. I am the type of person who hates missing out on things, so I want to be there for everything, but I have to accept that I just cannot be there for somethings.

So, honestly, I am learning to balance my two lives that I have. At times it become difficult trying to determine what to come home for and what not to, and so I become torn. Knowing that if I was in America I would be home at the drop of a dime, but now that option is not there. I also realize how much I do value the relationships, which makes the balancing act a little more difficult but part of me wants to be able to be there, but the more logical part of me tells me it just isn't possible.

But, regardless, it is good to know that the reason this becomes difficult is that I have good things happening in China and there are good things happening back home, but it makes making decisions just that much harder.